I have to start off by saying I miss my Mom tremendously. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. It has been just over a year since she passed away. Sometimes I still think it is all just a dream. Speaking of dreams, I have dreams of Mom regularly. The good thing is, I have nothing but good memories of my Mom.
Just this week I was talking with a friend who has a very strained and difficult relationship with her mother. It is a constant battle, struggle, and heartache for my friend, who only desires that she could just have a relationship with her difficult mother. I said to myself - "Self" (Karen will get that joke), I find it better to have a mother who has passed away whom I can honestly say I had a great relationship with, than to live with a contentious and difficult mother. The Lord is gracious. He gave me the blessing of having my mother for almost 33 years. Better is 33 years with a wonderful mother than 60 with a difficult one.
My Mom was a very unique and wonderful woman. I learned many things from her, like sacrifice, joy, contentment, and commitment. I admire that she was a committed wife, mother, and keeper of the home. I am thankful that during my very rebellious and lost teenage years, she was faithful to wait on me. I am encouraged by her demonstration of contentment when my Mom and Dad had financial struggles. I am blessed by her love for her husband, children, and grandchildren.
Mom was very dedicated to the things she loved. This was demonstrated by her love for her family, her job, and her friends. She had lifelong friends that she stayed in contact with from childhood. My Dad was her high school sweetheart. She worked at Glendale Memorial hospital for many years. She was not unpredictable or flighty. She committed to all that was important to her wholeheartedly, and for a lifetime. She was spunky and energetic, fun-loving, and thoughtful. She remembered all important events, such as birthdays and holidays, and always made me and my family feel special all the time. She was also helpful and a servant. Whenever our family would gather for a meal, Mom could always be found in the kitchen doing dishes (until one of us finally kicked her out). She came to my home for an entire week, everytime I gave birth, and would stay all day helping out with the new baby, meals, cleaning, and laundry. She would make dinner and bring groceries. She brought me diapers every time I saw her. She just loved helping people, and giving to them. That was my Mom. She loved spending time with her grandchildren, and spoiled them rotten. She took each of my children to Disneyland at age 5, and often babysat, even for an entire weekend. She bought them goodies and treats that they loved.
Days are sometimes hard without her. I miss talking to her like I did usually daily or every other day. I miss filling her in on the details of my life and calling her to tell her when one of the kids was sick or lost a tooth. I am sad when I do not get a phone call from her on my birthday. But I do trust that God is sovereign over every detail over life, and he knows what is best for me. Romans 8:28 says that "We know that God causes all things to work together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." So what the world says is a horrible bad thing is really for my good in God's economy. I rest in that thought.
I have wonderful childhood memories of a mother who loved me with all of her heart. I couldn't ask for anything more. The last words she told me were that she loved me. I will always know that those words are true.
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